Life is a process where letting go is the only constant

When people are gone, we live with our memories of them, we curate what they mean to us, we erase wrongs.

They become who we want them to be, and we get to become who we would have wanted ourselves to be when we were with them, and let the human who has moved on be at peace.

Love is a many-splendid thing

"I never realised that the best things in life are hidden in the most mundane things."

"Love is a feeling you can’t hide. You don’t plan it out at all. It makes your head spin. It paralyses any sense of logic with an incredible destructiveness. The ecstasy caused by love can numb your senses to an extent where you don’t even feel the pain of death. It’s incredibly dangerous."

- Eve, Ep 6 (K-drama)

It surprises me how a script that is translated from Korean to English can be so powerfully eloquent. Truth is universal.

It's funny how life works. How the things you fight so hard for can suddenly be rendered meaningless by a change of heart.

I'd always felt convinced that whatever my path, that my life's work was to do something good for the world. To make a difference. Or something cheesy like that.

A point of honesty is reached when you realise that maybe the world doesn't actually need that. It doesn't actually need me. That maybe altruism is only a form of disguised egotism (I do think egotism gets a bad rap, and that it's an essential part of the human condition, the human will to survive and thrive, but that's another blog post perhaps). 

That perhaps my life's work is simply to let the world be (good, or not), and appreciate what, or rather who, comes to me.

Eye square

I realize that if our eyes were not 4-dimensional we would not be able to perceive 3 dimensions. We would only be able to see two. It would seem that quaternions function almost intuitively like this. Our ability to move our eyes around and adjust these micro changes in size as a result of their rotation around a fixed point helps us to perceive that eye’s images are two-dimensional representations of a three-dimensional space and assign scalar and rotational symmetries to the three seen dimensions.

Transcendence

“Music is a higher revelation than all wisdom and philosophy. ...Music is the one incorporeal entrance into the higher world of knowledge which comprehends mankind but which mankind cannot comprehend.” - Ludwig van Beethoven

Robin Spielberg's TEDx talk brought me to tears. She told stories about her experience of music's power to heal, to provide catharsis, to soothe anxiety and change the brain. Around 13 minutes into the talk, she describes how she went into a nursing home to play. Disappointed at the quality of the piano, the lack of applause, and lack of responsiveness of the audience, she decided she was just going to go into the lala land of her music and get through the hour. As she was leaving though, a nurse came up to her, and told her that it was amazing, all of the connections she made. The nurse described how one of the patients, hearing her play 'Moon River', had been singing along, speaking for the first time in years.

For me, vital, life-giving importance of art lies in its powerful ability to connect to our human experience. It transcends in a way the best efforts of the prefrontal logical mind cannot. It transcends the individual narratives of our lives, speaking to us as though the creator intimately understands our inner world. 

As a choreographer, I would probably wouldn't pick myself to be the performer that breathes life into the work. But I am grateful for the chance to shape and share in the numinous experience that is music and movement. In that moment, I am uplifted by that which comprehends mankind, but mankind cannot comprehend. 

Not that anyone needs another opinon

The greatest victories are not over land, won with guns and bombs, but in changing beliefs, and transforming hearts.

The tensions between Ukraine and Russia sadden and worry me, but I am hesitant to speak out against one or another country. I would never take sides in the middle of a couple's quarrel. Situations are so often more nuanced and if we are not party or privvy to this, judgement or mediation would seem beyond my scope to have an opinion on. 

I am heartened though, by the global humanitarian aid efforts and moral support sent to Ukraine. In an abusive relationship, whilst you wouldn't punish the abuser, you would definitely want to empower the victim to leave the relationship. 

I do have an opinion on cancel culture. Just because you don't agree with someone doesn't mean you have to unfriend, block or shout them down. The great American value of democracy and freedom of speech seems to have been forgotten by many allegedly democratic parties today. Respectful disagreement, entertaining opposing views, and even conflict are part of healthy emotional growth. As is learning non-violent communication techniques and realising that no one is perfect, or right, not even yourself, and being willing to be changed.

What I am heartened by are people who recognise that regardless of politics, Russians are humans too, and need basic necessities, and as much as I may not condone how Russia is behaving, why is there a need to punish all Russians, even those living overseas? Do people think that doing that is going to sway Putin?

At the end of the day, when it comes to conflict, it often isn't about who is right or wrong, but what is the best outcome for everyone. Desperate people pushed into a corner can do dangerous things.

In the meantime, I celebrate the Ukrainians who continue to live, love and work harmoniously alongside Russians. There is a kinship of the human spirit united in a common cause, be it in the pursuit of art, or science, or even food, which unites us despite our political and social differences. As a lone voice in the outback, I hope we continue to remember that we are all humans, all experiencing life, and find empathy and love for each other in that.

Non-sands and breeze-blocks

The sands of time make a heavy trove
a chest unlocks and heaves
a sigh -

I see you
in the glimpses between 
in sunlight and blue skies
in white sand and surf
in counting knots
in sweet abandon
in memory and music

I close my eyes, or leave them open
it matters, not
as it dissolves today and ten years ago - 
I edit my life 
in a blink.

I am happy 
and thoughts of you
in breezeblocks
are best left unaltered;
would that they could be washed away
by the tide of time
and the keeping of a life
much richer for having had you in it
but all the more so for not; 

Cognitive dissonance swells 
memory cements
as life informs wisdom
and impulse slips by
a chest unlocks and heaves
a sigh.

the art of letting go

being a grown up
the super ego prevails
heartbreak of the id

I think I found my new earworm