Sunday, September 20, 2015

Reading the Wind

My local library has no books. I stopped by the other day, with suitably low expectations, perchance to pick up a travel book for my upcoming leave.

But that day, something was different. Maybe as I walked through the glass doors leading into the library, I had walked through a glass wall of an alternate universe, like a sheep man in an elevator, walking through the walls of the Dauphin. The foyer looked similar to how it always did, but jarringly different, as foyers are wont to do in surrealist fiction. For one thing, the walls were lined with decorated bras. The archway of books that framed the library gantry looked slightly tilted to the left.

The walls were lined with bras. This is not me.

It was in such a parallel universe, that my library, the one with no conceivable books of interest, happened to contain the latest Murakami publication. Wind/Pinball was there, lined up in the new collection/recommended reading section of the library, even while it was still being sold in the front part of bookstores where all the new stock and best sellers are. Within a month of the New York Times review of the book. I had no choice but to pick it up.

The latest in Murakami's English repertoire is also his first. And second. At the time of writing, I have only read Wind. In it, he unabashedly breaks the fourth wall. He discusses writing about novels whilst he writes a novel (or more accurately, a novella). He discusses his writing influences directly. He deconstructs the act of writing a novel.

It is quite possibly the finest example of meta-fiction I have ever come across. It is also clearly an etude. A study in writing, of writing, whilst attempting to write a novel. But he does not really complete it, as far as a novel goes in what we recognise by it. The plot is sketchy. The character development is sketchy. Even the characters themselves are sketchy, in a dodgy sense of the word. Is this really a novel? Are these ideas by which we define a novel really what defines a good novel?

People looking for a satisfying read in a traditional sense of the word, or first-time readers of Murakami, may not find it up to expectations. But those with an interest in reading writing for the sake of writing, or those who already love and know Murakami might just find it satisfyingly unstatisfying.

He writes in first person. But his best friend and foil, the Rat, is the one who picks up reading, who eventually decides to write a novel, and then novels, and sends photocopies to the protagonist every Christmas. Who is the truer representation of the author? Is it the first-person narrative? Or is it a narration within a narrative created by the foil?

Girls have no names in this book. Instead, they are identified by part of their bodies, or by the chronology of his sexual encounters. The first girl he slept with, the second girl he slept with. He talks about four, I think. But then again, because there are no names, I am not completely certain. They have been objectified. A safe distance from him. From us. A mystery.

Even so, one of the best parts of the book is where he describes a brief conversation with one of the girls in a series of exchanges culminating in the girl calling him a liar. She was wrong, he writes (and rights). He only lied about one thing. As you read the series of exchanges again, you feel force of feeling behind the minimalist prose. In the brevity, even the paucity, of interaction leading up to this exchange between the girl who has no name and the author, I found it hard to be convinced of the authenticity of this level of emotion coming from the character. But even so, I could not fail to be convinced of the power of his writing:

We curled up together and watched an old movie on TV as we munched on the sandwiches.
It was The Bridge on the River Kwai.
She was moved by the scene at the end, where they blow up the bridge.
"Then why did they work so hard to build it?" she sighed, pointing at Alec Guinness, who was standing transfixed by the sight.
"Out of pride."
"Mmph," she responded, her cheeks stuffed with bread, as she contemplated the nature of human pride. Then, as always, I had no idea at all what was going on inside her head.
"Do you love me?"
"Sure I do."
"Enough to marry me?"
"Right away?"
"Someday. In the future."
"Sure I want to marry you."
"But you never said anything until I asked."
"It slipped my mind."
"How many kids do you want?"
"Three."
"Boys? Girls?"
"Two girls and a boy".
She took a swallow of coffee to wash down the rest of the bread, and looked me square in the eye.
"LIAR!" she said.
But she was wrong. I had lied only once.
He tentatively tries his hand at writing about hearing voices (if I were writing up medical documentation, that would be query schizophrenia). The attempt does not last longer than a page. In another chapter, a girl kills herself. In another chapter, a letter is read about a girl with a neurological disease that keeps her from getting out of bed. In this first attempt at dealing with these kinds of events, he fails to capture the immensity of such events the way he does in later works. But these references will gratify fans who would appreciate a retrospective to his beginnings and who have read similar events fleshed out in his other works.

Emotive writing is kept to a minimum, and the focus is on symbols. An American reviewer reading the work of a Japanese author, will invariably comment in an almost racist way, on the use of Western culture - music by the Beach Boys, Mickey Mouse, quotes from Kennedy, and Americanised vernacular. There is an almost insinuation there that he is not being true to the American perception of who a Japanese person should be. But as an Asian trans-continental, I am less surprised or bemused by this, or by his use of 'blew my mind'. That's just how I've grown up myself.

He closes the books with the objects in his room, each possible sources of inspiration for plot and character- a California Girls LP, the cud from a cow's stomach, referenced earlier in the book as something that had originally belonged to another character, is now admitted to be something which he, the first person narrator, took from the cow's stomach himself. A now-lost photograph of the French literature major who died. He closes the book as if he, the narrator, is admitting to weaving the fiction, but in doing so, blurs the lines between fiction and reality.

Sunday, August 9, 2015

The ghosts have incapacitated me

Why is it that the ghosts of our past haunt us even after a decade is old?
And thus, veiled in allusions and metaphors and sorry songs,
Mourning wracks and wrecks the soul.
No names cross my lips, but the story is told.

Saturday, July 4, 2015

Word Ward

Struck by good writing or powerful speeches, I am reminded of the impressive ability of words. Read a review before you experience a product of consumption - be it actual food, or music, or literature - and you will find your experience indelibly coloured by the words of another. A journalist's grizzly exposition of a prominent personage's transgressions can be the harbinger for his resignation in the imminent future. Two simple words said in front of a congregation cement a lifetime partnership.

There is an odd cadence to words, and a rhythm to them that suggests they have a life of their own. Beyond the speaker and his speech or voice, the words he speaks have an intrinsic music, and a power of their own. The speaker's own abilities, like a musician's, make a difference between a good rendition and a bad one. But ultimately, the delivery is only a rendition. Words in themselves are something purer still. More than content or style, every word has meaning and meanings which you can tease out and make resonate by the way you string them together with other words. Constructed and deconstructed, they are greater than the sum of their parts.

Eloquence and story-telling. Eloquence in story-telling. I promised myself once that I would endeavour to these things. But I have failed my old primary school motto. I have endeavoured, but not persevered, in craftsmanship. Talking to a friend recently, I remarked on how I relied upon the spirit of inspiration to write. Her response was that in order to best do justice to that you need to have the discipline of consistent practise.

Reminded of this, I am resolved to write. I do. Not just as the spirit moves. Not just in fits and spurts, at times engorged on hypergraphia, sometimes starving. But in controlled, intentional way, chewing through the varying forms of texts in a regular diet intended for growth.

Thursday, July 2, 2015

Mainstream religion



This video. It was love at my virgin experience of Hozier's Take Me to Church. I watch this video and I count my blessings.

The blessed outcome of a bad breakup, the song decries the fallacies of organised religion whilst revelling in the hedonic and powerful experience of love. As Nick Messitte so eloquently describes, it is a 'deliciously acidic criticism of religious institutions, particularly their interference in our bedrooms'.

Drawing on Wikipedia for some incredible insights into the songwriting, in an interview with The Irish Times, Hozier stated, "I found the experience of falling in love or being in love was a death, a death of everything. You kind of watch yourself die in a wonderful way, and you experience for the briefest moment–if you see yourself for a moment through their eyes–everything you believed about yourself gone. In a death-and-rebirth sense."

In an interview with New York magazine, he elaborated: "Sexuality, and sexual orientation – regardless of orientation – is just natural. An act of sex is one of the most human things. But an organization like the church, say, through its doctrine, would undermine humanity by successfully teaching shame about sexual orientation – that it is sinful, or that it offends God. The song is about asserting yourself and reclaiming your humanity through an act of love."

As the song rose to fame, the official video made to go along with the song was riveting political commentary of Russia's facist stance on homosexuality, which is perhaps subtly echoed in other communities, particularly those of a religious nature.

As a dance video, it took me on an exploration into Sergei Polulin's other works, as well as his stormy course as a professional dancer and growing up in Russia, as explored in a video by NOWNESS, yet another treasure trove of humans exploring humanity.

I leave you with Messitte's concluding paragraph:
We live in a complicated, often dismal world, one in which governmental powers are increasingly terrifying (from ISIS to Putin and everything in between—including aspects of our own system). 
In the United States, we find ourselves in a landscape now roiling with discomfort, in which even the most ardent democrats have lost faith with our executive branch, in which iniquities of gender and race have yet to be been addressed, in which child homelessness is on the rise, in which nearly half of us blame poor people for their own poverty while simultaneously overlooking the entrenched nature of our corporate welfare systems. 
Has any of this been reflected in the pop charts? 
Not recently; the last political protest song I can remember discussed in the mainstream was John Mayer’s “Waiting for the World to Change”—an utterly toothless and passive song if ever I heard one: 
Marvin Gaye asked us a direct and powerful question (“What’s Going On?”). John Mayer simply took a walk by the East River and waited for the world to change around his beautifully sculptured face. 
- Nick Messitte in his analysis of Hozier's Take Me To Church

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

A stress on the positive

"Don't stress", as they say in Singapore, or "take it easy", as we say in Australia. We often think of stress as a negative thing, and that living a stressful lifestyle can increase our risk of gastric ulcers, or heart attacks. McGonigal shows us otherwise. She discusses how the stress response can not only be a positive bodily response, but also the social lubricant that enhances human relationships.



"Go after what it is that creates meaning in your life, then trust yourself to handle the stress that follows."

Sunday, March 29, 2015

brain pickings does it again

The greatest love letters, of course, aren’t those written for public greatness — they’re the ones penned for one particular trembling heart, honeycombed with private memories and private miracles, written in the language of the possible.
The website's snippets of critical analyses of Orlando by Virginia Woolf makes me want to read it now.

Friday, March 27, 2015

Process

Quite possibly the most beautifully eloquent and true pieces of writing I've seen in a while:
The creative process has more than one kind of expression. There’s the part you could show in a movie montage — the furious typing or painting or equation solving where the writer, artist, or mathematician accomplishes the output of the creative task. But then there’s also the part that happens invisibly, under the surface. That’s when the senses are perceiving the world, the mind and heart are thrown into some sort of dissonance, and the soul chooses to respond.

That response doesn’t just come out like vomit after a bad meal. There’s not such thing as pure expression. Rather, because we live in a social world with other people whose perceptual apparatus needs to be penetrated with our ideas, we must formulate, strategize, order, and then articulate. It is that last part that is visible as output or progress, but it only represents, at best, 25 percent of the process.

Real creativity transcends time. If you are not producing work, then chances are you have fallen into the infinite space between the ticks of the clock where reality is created. Don’t let some capitalist taskmaster tell you otherwise — even if he happens to be in your own head.
- Douglas Rushkoff, quoted from brain pickings

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Gmt

Em  G  C7 Cdim7

Em
I'm standing by
G/D                    (D)
as my breath hots up
Bm
on a cold glass pane
                                          C
and it's only a matter of time.

I watch airplanes land
and carousels fill
with no bags that belong to you
but it's only a matter of time.

Bm/E (Em7)                        G/E
It's like the fast-forward scenes
Bm/D                      G/D
in a time-lapse movie
G/C                          C7/C
watching seedlings grow
     Bm Bm/D                 D
or stars chart the night sky.

Nothing seems to happen
watching life pass by
for somebody else like me
and it's only a matter of time.

in homage to Phillip Glass' Metamorphosis One

Sunday, February 22, 2015

breath/life/willy nilly

breathe in to inhale
quince scent in the unwashed sheets 
wrinkled of you still

an empty bed is
harder than your shoes to fill
an empty heart, harder still

breathe out to compose
and create composure still
rememb’ring not love

broken composure
lost in the passage of time
not love, but self will