Friendships

Lately there's been a new topic of discussion that's been raging the blogosphere as I know it: Friendship. This is my take.

If we viewed the world in greyscale, there are many different shades of black and white. Once you view the world in full colour, these shades of black and white turn to actual hues, like turquoise, red, or yellow. Yet there are some which are so intensely black or white, that even after you upgrade to Technicolour, they will remain all black or all white. This is a story of Black and White, of darkness, and of light.

All along, White understood other Colours by shining its light on them. Some light was absorbed, but the rest was reflected back, revealing the hues in their resplendence. Since White is a combination of all hues, White took delight in the similarities it shared with these hues, in the colours that were reflected. What made it so beautiful to White was this: the longer White shone its light on these Colours, the more White discovered of them, the more hues were reflected back, and the closer the approach to White these Colours came.

Then Black came along. White tried to understand Black the same way it did with other Colours. It shone its light on Black. But Black being Black, reflected nothing back. It remained in the dark. White peered at Black long and deep, but could see nothing in the darkness except occasional cold glimmerings of light. White was never sure whether this light was the light that was reflected back from White, or from some internal source within Black, for Black, in its darkness, seemed to radiate an energy of its own, an aura of darkness.

Now, the chemistry between Black and White was different from the chemistry between White and other Colours. It was driven not by White's act, but by Black producing a reaction in White. White was piqued by the challenge Black presented. While White understood that it would never be able to understand Black the way it did with other Colours, White observed Black on its own terms, in its darkness, and thought that it had arrived at some form of understanding. No, the challenge Black presented was not merely the challenge to understand, but to influence. To establish some light in Black's darkness. It was a new struggle which energised and intrigued White. Of course, Black was darkness, and once light comes darkness goes. White knew this. White knew that despite all its effort, Black would still be Black. But White kept at it.

There were instants when White's light threatened to invade Black's darkness, and Black's darkness threatened to overtake White's light. These were instants when White's light completely flooded Black's darkness, and when Black's darkness completely engulfed White's light. But of course, White being White, it was almost immediate in its response to restablish its light, because White cannot be White without light. And Black of course, was likewise as quick to restablish its darkness, because Black cannot be Black without darkness. But sometimes in the struggle, there were lingering moments of balance and unity, and of great beauty. Snapshots of these moments would look like the yin-yang diagrams, a splotch of White in Black, and a splotch of Black in White, whichever way you developed the film (positive or negative).

All of us have a little bit of Black, and White in us. Most of us make friends the way White understands and delights other Colours. We appreciate similarities. But if we can respond to the differences in our friends the way White responded to Black, perhaps we can make the most of these differences. When coupled with appreciating similarities, friendships can be greatly deepened. And these kinds of friendships - which involve the embracing of the friend as a whole, their good, their bad, their similarities, and their differences - can be much more than just friendships for the sake for friendship, they can be empowering unions.

So what do I mean by empowering unions? I don't mean, as some might presume, the jump from platonic love to romantic, although it's true there's a change in intent. An empowering union is powered by the intent to work synergistically together to create something wonderful. But perhaps this isn't a change, but arises spontaneously as the result of being intent on knowing someone. Deeply.