Mother tongue

I think I've finally figured it out. You know, the reason why I seem not to be terribly good at expressing myself in writing. Why I seem to have no inspiration for writing, and why even if I do, I usually don't bring the point that's in my head across.

 It's becaue I'm not fluent the written and spoken word, as a whole. It's not that I lack the vocabulary, or that I lack any of that sort of thing. It's because written and spoken word isn't my mother tongue (when I mean written and spoken word, I include Chinese, so I don't mean that.)

 I think I'm more fluent in the language of music and dance than writing. It's a consoling thought - actually, scrap that. I'm hardly fluent in either. But at least, when everything is in its place, I feel as if I'm getting my point across in those languages much more efficiently. It's my mother tongue - albeit a language I'm still a novice to.

 This claim isn't unfounded - I've examined my preferences, and found little pieces of supporting evidence. For instance, I actually prefer instrumental music to songs. It's an unusal preference, I believe. Most people prefer songs to just plain old music. Of course there are exceptional pieces of music that these people prefer to song, but that is more the exception than the rule.

 Of course, there's also the very obvious obsession with ballet. I can sometimes feel extremely ecstatic (as opposed to just aesthetic) when dancing, over and above the simple endorphin release. Asssuming what I've deduced is true, that's kind of a relief to realise all this.

It really helps after all those low low marks in essays and compositions (in English and Chinese). Not to mention oral.