Song of solitude

(A crooner)

Those that I have loved
have never loved me back -
If you love me, let me go,
they say. In old romantic movies
people always come back 
in the end. Out in real life
no one ever comes back.

Silence never leaves me
Solitude's breath is ever on my neck
Smiles and laughter deceive me
into thinking there is nothing that I lack.

Thousand Islands

So I sit in swells of solitude
as the current says goodbye.
each of us marooned 
in our own lot 
in a Thousand Islands -
in constructs of wood,
encased in stone,
or seated bopping up and down
on a dinghy, one of many
festooning the shore.

Those that I have loved
have never loved me back
in quite the same way.
Better to have lost in love
than never to have loved at all
they say, but they don't say
both leave you, leave you lonely.

Silence never leaves me
Solitude's breath is ever on my neck
Smiles and laughter deceive me not -
for the something that I lack.

Little things make the biggest difference

Whenever I come back to Singapore, I feel a great sense of refreshment and clarity in who I am, and who I would like to be, as a result of my place in the context of the friends I have.  Birds of a feather, cut from the same cloth, and so on.  Although of the same cloth, in myself I lose sight of the garment I should make of myself from the material that it is.  That is to say, if I end up trying to fashion something else of myself, the material would end up rather the worse for wear, and poorly utilised for such a function.

I met up with a friend for a good meal today, and she was saying how she likes to make everyone happy and she doesn't really mind for herself personally.  She felt blessed with many opportunities and she was contented.  Many of my friends are like that.  These people may not waste so many words, others are 'won without words' by their conduct, showing the purity and reverence of their lives (1 Pet 3:1-2).  What she says in silence, by her attitude, demeanour and consideration speak volumes and are far more influential, in a deeper way in making people want to be peace-loving and kinder to one another.

Perhaps this is what at Christians, in brotherly love, should value most - the care they can give to others.  What it really means to have brotherly love.  The other things that seems so important - our appearance (even kindness, if it is merely to appear to be caring, or to show care - there really is a discernable difference), career, ambitions, even the wealth of art, culture and science that seems to be the pride of mankind - these are just preoccupations of the world.  Literally, they are what we do before (pre-) we are really occupied for others.  For what do they matter?  Part of the reason why these things are important, at least in the context of the constructs (such as art or science), are because they are a contribution towards enriching society.  But they are the icing on the cake, and without the cake itself, what use is icing?  If our lives lack even the basic substance of society, attempting to enrich it by blazing contributions in work or riches are just human vanities (Ecc 1:1) that fatten us rather than fill us.

There is a distinction to be drawn between the kind pride one takes - that 'I have done this work well' and 'this is a good piece of work'.  There is a place for preoccupation, a place for good work, but that is as a function for and of society, and the joy that comes of it is not the fulfillment of any personal ambition, but the work in itself.

In the grand scheme of things - perhaps there is none.  Perhaps the biggest things are really the smallest things that make a difference in people's lives - taking the time to listen and make time for people, to help out where we can.