If I say you're the one

Me and a good friend of mine agree that his voice, particularly in this song, is absolutely dreamy. =)

Similarity, much?

En le temps mon Age

Tossed up on a relentless sea,

we bury our pain beneath

the flurry of activity and

hope that eddies stirred up will tow away our troubles -

forgetting that we are not infinite bodies, so interrupted

memories will recollect and erupt again upon us.

Buoyantly, buoyantly,

we float on the surface of social niceties, mindless recreation, endless business...

thinking that if we evacuate our minds of feeling,

our hearts can go on vacation -

instead our mines are set, without our really knowing

where they are, waiting to be exploded.

No, we'd rather not risk drowning

in an ocean of uncried and quiet fragility -

we'd rather not risk a broken heart, or endanger ourselves finding that

as it turns out, there isn't really one to break.

So as the tides come in

with the waning and the waxing

of eternal gravity,

There is a kind of absentmindedness in which we deal

with the unbearable lightness of being.

So this is love

Perhaps the great mystery of love is quite simply the ability to make somebody feel happy.

Why did God create us? At the end of the day, the best that theologians - or at least, according to the theology I am familiar with - can come up with is: His pleasure.

Why do artists paint? Why do dancers dance? They might say they love to do that, or are dedicated to their work. But why love what they love? It makes them happy.

My friends inspire my love through the 'glow' of their personality - oftentimes, merely being in their presence makes me feel happy and energised.

So, at least as far as I can understand it, to be loved by someone is to have made them feel happy, and perhaps to be in love with someone is the continuous decision to keep making them happy.

I don't believe in the idea of there being one perfect person for me - the perfect fit (even enzymes don't really work that way). I'm even more skeptical of my capability of being perfect for anybody. But perhaps there are some patients whom I can better help, or friends whom I will find easier to be collectively happy with.

And I guess one day...

Looking back on the things He's done

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

Galatians 5:22-23

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love.

- 2 Peter 1:5-7

I was sharing with God's Clay, my Singaporean church small group, I'm grateful to God for teaching me to be grateful.

As I look back on my life last year, and the mercies that God has shown me, I've come to realise how incredibly blessed I am. It could potentially have been an incredibly scary year - independence, going overseas, being alone in the world. But I've been blessed with developing friendships, a 'family' in church and med school overseas, and just so many small mercies in daily life.

I'm just as grateful - if not more so - for the old as the new. Earlier on last year, I was feeling a little lonely because I hadn't yet met anyone with whom I could really click with, so I confided with an old friend, who pointed me to God and helped me grow in my relationship with Him.

You know how sometimes you're just living life, you get this feeling that you're at peace, and there's this bubble of happiness inside of you that's welling up and might burst - you feel a little bit like crying, but in a good way. I get it sometimes when I dance, or when I'm looking at a sunset, or listening to an awesome piece of music, or running along the beach, or laughing and clowning around with a friend. Looking back on all these blessings inspires that feeling, and as a result, I've been feeling it more and more.

I'm not sure, but I dare say it might be joy. The euphoria may not be there all the time, but yet, even in the darkest times, joy remains in the form of the knowledge that no matter how shitty things are getting, there are always little graces that God gives for us to rejoice in (Philippians 4:4) - even if the only thing you can cling to is the fact that God will eventually see you through.

I'm a rather melancholy sort of person, given to seeing the sadness or the flaws that would ruin an otherwise happy or perfect situation. But seeing how God has transformed not only my own life, but the lives of those around me, fills me with gratitude that brings joy.

You might not be able to see it in yourself, but choosing to believe in El Shaddai - the God who saves - is a step that builds so many incredible and inspiring people. You don't have to look very far to find them in your lives, performing acts of goodness, kindness, patience, and service to others. Looking towards these people (Philippians 4:8) when I could only see weakness in myself also served as a source of encouragement and hope that perhaps growth in God would allow me to become a bit more like them. I may not have - all too many times I find myself behaving callously, thoughtlessly, selfishly, boorishly, willfully. You name it, I've sinned it. - but the knowledge that one day God will change me (Philippians 3:20-21) is a very encouraging thing.

I guess in summary, this last year I've grown to know a little more of the mystery that Christianity and its transforming power holds. By simple belief in God, while I would not presume to say that I've attained fruits of the spirit, I've come to taste some of them in my life. In my small faith, I have clung to God when I was happy, and when I was sad, when I was filled with hubris, and when I was brought to shame. Over this time, I believed, perhaps a little naively that gathering in His name, singing His praises and reading His word would somehow bring me closer to Him. Gradually, my eyes have been opened to the good in my life. This has brought gratitude, happiness, and in time, faith in God that He really will be there through thick and thin. This faith has brought peace and joy. I guess that's why Jesus said that the kingdom of heaven is like a tiny seed (Mark 4:26-34), in which all you need is a little faith.

Then they asked him, "What must we do to do the works God requires?"

Jesus answered, "The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.”

John 6:28-29

5x2 line poem

Can I write a poem,

and write it simply?

Not use any metaphors,

or flowery language,

or pretty imagery.

What do I write about, then?

What subject is suitably treated

without some technique?

What is a poem,

without aesthetic?

Yes, I am now a bionic woman.

After recently reconstructing a crucial ligament in my knee (my ACL - anterior cruciate ligament), I haven't had a very full calendar, so I've had more time to pursue other interests, such as The Big Bang Theory. Or Aimee Mullins.

They have this block of text that flashes by at the end of each episode, called a vanity card, which, as it turns out, has some pretty cool stuff on it.

Coming out of the closest

I was catching up with a friend the other night when the conversation turned to close friends and how we might define who we are 'closest' to.

As a rule, I generally don't give much thought towards quantifying my varying degrees of closeness to my friends, but for discussion's sake, it did make for an interesting topic: what does make a close friend close?

Is it the person with whom you spend the most time with? The person to whom you share the most with? The person you talk to the most? The person you have the most in common with? The person with whom you have been friends for the longest?

There are endless reasons to be close to someone, and indeed all the above reasons are reasons to be grateful for. For me, there are two reasons that I am close to the people I am close to.

The first is honesty. Among those I count as my closest friends are those who are willing to open up to me. They have shared things with me I know that one does not immediately readily share with the world, and their trust and vulnerability induces reciprocality in me. I have great difficulty in sharing and opening up to people, and as I have grown older I have only made more mistakes in whom I elect to share my vulnerabilities with. This negative feedback means that I tend only to open up to people I feel have opened up to me.

However, more than just sharing their personal lives, such friends are treasured for the fact that they are unafraid to share their personal opinions, even when said opinions may be less than savory. When someone is willing to insult or rebuke you in the interest of being completely honest, it is for me one of the signs of a true friend. Caveat: insults alone do not imply friendship though - quite often they imply rather the opposite.

The second is gratitude. As my dear blogstalkers are well aware of by now, I love a good cliche, especially when it is true. And my dears, a friend in need really is a friend indeed. This works both ways. Both those who have helped me when I am weak and those who have allowed me to see and aid them in their darkest moments, are friends who I treasure deeply.

Music: the polite audience

Warning: gush alert which shouldn't be surprising since I'm such a big fan of the artist in question.

Went for Lenka's Asia Tour at Zirca Mega Club (which is ironic, considering its unobtrustive location and tiny size). Was it The Show. As some fans said, "We don't want our money back." She's just that good.

The thing I love about live performances is the raw, unadulterated quality of the performance - you get to see whether the singer is really good or whether it's just smoke and mirrors. Lenka's even better live than she is on album, which is really quite rare in singers nowadays. Her slightly breathy, sexy vocals had remarkable breadth and range, which she exhibited quite fully in this performance. One of the things I particularly enjoyed was the emotion of it - there's no replacing a sensitive artist putting her soul into a song, and hearing and feeling it live. For one song, I was even moved to tears by her rendition. I also really enjoyed that she gave little snippets of insight into the songs she sang, and these added a depth to the songs which I already knew so well from her debut album. For instance, I found out that Dangerous and Sweet was a dance number written because of a fight with a girl friend in LA, and that We Will Not Grow Old was written for a best friend in high school who shared her sentiments of not wanting to grow up and become an adult. Although the meanings were quite implicit, it was nice when she spelled out that Don't Let Me Fall is about being afraid of getting hurt in relationships and wanting to trust again. In fact, her live renditions of Don't Let Me Fall and Like A Song were notable in their unique instrumentation. In Like A Song, fans got a blast from the past with radio waves from WWII.

The only disappointment was how, well in Lenka's words, polite the Singaporean audience was, laughing on cue, clapping and cheering on cue, and obediently doing everything on cue. There was no musicality in our response, nor was there an uninhibited sense of enjoyment (perhaps due to a lack of inebriation) that one might expect from adoring fans of at a live concert. Those in the mosh pit, most certainly didn't mosh. Instead, there was a sea of small LCD screens - yes, everybody there was so busy recording the concert that there was hardly anybody actually enjoying and experiencing it.

Nonetheless, it was an enjoyable evening with good props, better technicians, and wonderful musicians with a great sense of humour. Lenka even gets brownie points for attempting to play the trumpet! All in all, I was not disappointed, at least not with her and her artistry, and I can't wait to see more from her.

Some snippets of song lyrics from songs not in her album:

Maybe I Love You

by Lenka

Maybe I love you,
maybe I do
maybe this feelin'
inside me is true.
And if I love you,
and if I do,
then maybe, baby,
maybe you love me too.

I knew I liked you,
I knew I could.
And I knew a song
that was brewing in the air.
But I don't fall easily
too many betrayed me.

Pull Me Apart
by Lenka

You are the one
you are the only one
that can make me whole
yeah, you make whole.
There's only one problem
with this situation:
when you go,

I can't go on.
...

Cause you have a piece
a piece of my heart
that you take with you.

You pull me apart,
you break me in half.
Every time you leave
I'm a broken heart.
And I stay that way,

till I see you again

You put me all

back together again.

All My Bells Are Ringing

by Lenka

Take my heart this Christmas,
I'll wrap it in a ribbon and a bow,
yes, take my heart this Christmas,

take it where ever you go.

All my bells are ringing just for you.

Home on a high

Random cool song I heard on Gossip Girl, Season 3, Ep 6. The band looks really stoned, and the lead singer sounds a bit like he has a Messiah complex. But hey, if it's good music, I'm hardly one to judge a bit of insanity.